If I only had a dollar (actually I do, and then some) for every time I found myself sitting across from some young, fresh-faced, clueless punk who has the naive belief that he is on the path to becoming some famous gambler, then I would basically be in the same finanical position that I am now because I take these bitches' cashish. There is no free lunch, kiddies! Just reading Super System and posting in an online poker forum doesn't mean shit. I see you know all of the chip tricks and have a pretty cool counterclockwise muck maneuver but please explain to me why I constantly have your chips in my stack? Maybe you should try a lot less pot smoking before you join the game? Your bloodshot eyes are the biggest tell in history.
Now I know you kids have been coddled since birth and have absolutely no fucking idea what the terms "work ethic" and "hard work" even mean. Just because there were no cuts after tryouts in school and everyone made the team doesn't mean you don't suck. You didn't play for a reason and it wasn't because the coach was an asshole. Now you need get out of your mother's basement and get a job. You are killing her with your grand delusion and self-righteous near certainty that you are simply "awesome at poker." No, you're not. As a matter of fact, you regulalrly make my car payments for me and haven't the slightest idea what the poker life entails. Turn off ESPN and Norman Chad and go flip my burgers already. That will not be you on television, ever. You failed math twice because you thought it was stupid and that you would never need it. Doesn't it suck being wrong all of the time? Those of you who do have jobs can't even do the math to make change once the cash register tells you to give me $1.92 and I hand you another quarter to avoid getting all of that change back, yet you think you can crunch the numbers in real time to calculate probabilities and implied odds? You might as well just cut out the middle man and come work for me washing my cars because you give me your money anyways.
Did I mention that you were clueless about life already? Now I know that you think you know everything you need to know because I was once your age. But guess what? When I was your age I was a fucking retard too. Just accept this as fact because being in denial doesn't make it any less true. You have this false notion in your head that you'll be driving fancy cars and have a sweet mansion and chics hanging off of both arms, and you won't. If you're lucky you will get to play poker every waking hour of every day and maybe break even. That leaves little time for jet-setting with those you idolize, who incidentally make the bulk of their fortune selling you books and videos and owning the online poker sites that you pay enormous rake to daily. I bet you thought they made all of that loot just playing the game? I did mention you were stupid, right? My apologies if I sound redundant, however I know you refuse to listen when I make this point so it's repetition is of the utmost importance.
I know you are a terrible player when I hear you says shit like "Oh, I hate Omaha." Of course you do. You cannot operate out of your comfort zone, and said zone entails barely knowing the ins and outs of a single poker variant (yes retard, were talking hold 'em) that is so over-popularized that even the top pros are struggling to extract profit from the ever-improving competition. You have failed to go to where the easy money is found, therefore further proving that you don't know what the fuck you are doing. You've been playing for a few years now and your biggest win is maybe eight hundred bucks? Good luck being a hold 'em only pro. You'll be the first, that isn't broke at least.
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