Dear Sloppy,
We missed you at the track this weekend. I hope you enjoyed plopping your fat ass on your couch, drinking Busch Light by the case, and watching the commercials/race on your massive twenty six inch Chinese television. Giant RV dude even let us watch the F1 race Sunday morning on his satellite TV. Now I know your stance on how only Nascar is "reel racin" so it's your loss, Jethro. Maybe someday you'll actually make it to a live race, of any kind? One can only hope. I was sorry to see what happened to your driver on the start. Granted you hopped aboard the bandwagon only last year when you stole the cardboard cutout likeness of Junior from the beer store, but on the flip-side it was a spectacular accident and is the only reason you watch in the first place so I am sure your disappointment was tempered to a degree. I think I might have met a sportsfan yesterday that is more pathetic than you, if that is possible? We'll call him Dallas Cowboy fan for discussions sake. He has never been to a Cowboys game, never been to Texas, and has never even left his hometown for that matter, but in his defense he at least had the team's pajamas when he was seven. Anyway I am writing to invite you the the Indycar race next week. Nascar has the weekend off but I know that there will be a new episode of Nascar 360 airing. If you can pull yourself away from following the soap opera style programming highlighting the lives of marginal racecar drivers then you are invited to attend. Please ask Aunt Mom and Uncle Dad if you can leave the trailer for a few days and come enjoy an actual real live motorsports event for once. If the price of admission is a problem then feel free to back your pickup truck up to the track and stand in the bed to watch the race over the fence. That is how it seems to be done at the dirt track. We will keep an eye out for you but we won't hold our breath. If you do indeed come, please take a shower and wear clean clothes so you don't make a liar out of me.
Love,
Real Racefan
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