Why You Too Should Hate The French

It all started for me back during my college years. I was doing everything within my power to hose this French chick, which included ignoring my sense of smell and trying to avoid eye contact with the hamsters living under her arms. Inevitably the discussion turned to politics and suddenly I was sternly asked to leave and to never come back. As this girl was a representative of the French people in my eyes, I had concluded that not only were they intolerant of criticism, but extremely rude to boot. Is it any wonder why they strike and cripple their own economy every time someone gets asked to sweep a floor? I tried to have an open mind. I didn't even say a word when she showed me her generic and unlicensed "American Football" sweatshirt that made her look like a geek of unimaginable proportions. Yet I found myself out on the street because she couldn't accept the truth about her people being fucking raging pussies during WWII. Go figure? How many U.S. servicemen had to die so that big touchhole DeGaulle could march in first an take all of the credit?

So we find ourselves in the modern era and the French are still doing the same old shit. They refuse to rock the boat and stand up against ruthless dictators if that means such an ethical stance will disrupt their profits being extracted from doing business with rogue nations. They pick and choose when they will allow their allies to once again defend their pissing in the street, fag-smoking asses like we always do. Then they shove shit like their wine down our throats while simultaneously turning up their collective nose at superior foreign products. And the soccer. Don't forget the soccer.

They tried to throw Greg Lemond under the bus when he continued to win their little bicycle race year after year. They pulled the same bullshit with Lance Armstrong, who would have continued to dominate had he not told the French to fuck off. If your guy can't win, ever, then somebody must be cheating? Is it just too hard to accept the fact that the Americans are the best at everything? We have learned to live with this truth. Why can't you?